Friday, August 5, 2011

Saliva-Fest Dream

On my way back from the movie last night, Craig and I were on a train where an obvious transgender person was talking to his (was a her) friends. He kinda looked like the son from Family Guy, if you watch that show. So, I went to Niagara, and when I finally arrived home around 245 AM, I fell asleep. During my slumber, I dreamt a dream. I only remember bits and pieces of it though. So chronologically, from what I remember: I walked into a bar, where the bartender obviously knew me and poured what I assume is my "regular." I don't remember recognizing him from real life though. I want to say there was a band playing somewhere in this bar, because there was a poster on the wall behind the bar which was an image of the transgender person I had seen on the train earlier that night, with the title under it saying "GUY in the band" (or something like that, essentially reminding the bartenders that the lead in the band was a guy, and not a girl). At some point, the bar got busy, and I remember saying hi to random people, but not knowing who they were. Then D showed up with a woman that looked like his manager or something (very professional and business-like). I think D was already drunk, or just really happy. We had a hugfest for, like, ever, and I think we just continued having a hugfest all night. Then, I only remember little things. We bedazzled ourselves at one point, pulling these ginormous gemstones off some piece of paper, and sticking them all over our arms, backs, chests and faces. I remember the gems being blue, kind of like sapphires. At one point we were walking in a department store (I have NO idea how we got there) and I think it must have been H&M, it just felt like it. I liked a skirt but it wasn't my size. Actually, it wasn't anyone's size. You know how junior sizes are odd numbers, and sometimes they'll say size 7/8 or 9/10 etc? Well, this skirt said 7/11, so who wears that? D didn't seem to be paying attention to the shopping, so I'm guessing that's where we left and went back (?) to the bar. The last things I remember about the dream was another hugfest, which escalated into D licking my face all over. Just going apeshit with saliva all over my face. And I didn't seem to mind. I think at the end of the saliva-fest, we did have a smooch (?) but that could just be wishful thinking I added when I woke up. :) Then I believe he looked over to the manager lady he had brought, with a guilty look, and said goodbye, as if he had to go explain his actions.

I'm pretty sure that's when my alarm woke me up. I was hugging my stuffed dolphin really hard.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Funny Signs





Are they too small to see? Tough shit.

Beer Bagels


Yes, I am required to drink at work today. There are empanadas too, but I forgot about those, so I bought a bagel. I should be mad that I paid for lunch when I didn't have to, but if you've ever had these bagels...you just can't be angry around them.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Thursday, June 3, 2010

WTF You Doin' in My Mouth?

My buddy from work belongs to this. Enjoy some glitter in yo face.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

So Obnoxious

First off, the term obnoxious isn't used nearly often enough, so that in itself is obnoxious. People need to expand their vocabulary, including the downer words. Anyways, my friend Carrie visited me about a week and a half ago, and as we were sitting in the middle of Times Square (she wanted to see it, we didn't stay long) I noticed that a lot of things people do in Times Square are obnoxious. So I made a list, and I'll even include some fun media.

1. Tourists (or anyone really, but usually it's tourists) who make stupid poses in the middle of Times Square.










I don't know if this girl is a tourist, but either way, trying to pose like a supermodel in Times Square does not make you look awesome. It makes you look like you're in Times Square. Alone.






2. Muffin Tops

Everyone in the world knows this is a fashion don't, so why do people still do it? I get that you can't help that your belly hangs out over your pants, mine would too if I wore pants that were 3 sizes too small. But I must give some credit, because these women clearly have way better lung power than I do, there's no way I'd be able to breathe in pants that were so tight. So, props.

3. The guys and girls who try to sell you deals at hair salons.

This doesn't need any media. You all know who they are.
"Hey! Can I ask you a question about your hair?!"
"No."
"OMG, where do you get it cut?"
"I cut it myself."
"Have you ever gotten it cut at a salon before?"
"Duh."
"Well then OMG, you're going to love this deal! You can have a full haircut, manicure, massage, oil treatment, eyebrow waxing, facial and discount on product, all for the low price of $60!"
"I don't do any of that stuff."
"Do you have any friends who would like it? Makes a great gift!"
"No."
"Your mom?"
"She's dead."
"No matter, how about I sweeten the deal, just because I like you and I can see we're going to be BFF's, I'll throw in another one for free!"
"No thanks."
"How about a third one? You can take two friends!"
"No thanks."

You get the idea, eventually they tire and give up if you just say No enough. Plus, they're all actors, so they're used to being let down. Comes with the job.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Rocky Breeds the Best People

I gave this movie to my cousin when he turned ten years old. I'm pretty sure my aunt was pissed. Now he's 17 and he actually understands it. And he turned out awesome, so I credit that to myself.



By the by, if you're in NYC, go see Rocky Horror Picture Show live. They do it in almost every city, I've seen them in Boston and Seattle, pretty fucking incredible, or at least a good laugh if you're drunk.

NYC Rocky Horror

Friday, April 30, 2010

M.I.A. Born Free

This is too great not to pass along. I don't necessarily like her music, but her ideas are brilliant.

Monday, February 22, 2010